Ekaterinburg Trip 1 Travelog: Day 5

December 2nd, 2006

The day began as all others have this week, with us meeting Yana in the lobby. We let her know that we had decided to adopt both Dascha and Yascha (her biological brother), but we were not yet sure about Anton. Now Yascha was not our referral. Normally, it would not be possible to request a specific child, but there were some very unique and special circumstances which made it an option. Still, Olga needed to get approval from the Minister of Education, so we waited in the loby for Olga’s call while she met with the Minister.

After about thirty minutes, we got the call back from Olga who told us that the Minister approved and that we would need to stay in Ekaterinburg until Tuesday as we had to file paperwork Monday and Tuesday.

The next task at hand was to spend more time with Anton (our original boy referral) to see if we wanted to adopt him. We headed back to the orphanage and spent the morning with Anton.

When adopting, there are two questions that are very important to ask and very hard to answer honestly – but as a prospective parent it is your duty to focus and answer those questions. The questions are:

  • Am I bonding to this child?
  • Am I capable of raising this child?

If you answer no to either question, you must not accept the referral. It is a very difficult thing to turn down a referral, but you will be doing the child a disservice if you accept and answered no to either of those questions. As much as it broke our hearts to say so, because he is such a beautiful boy, we did not bond to Anton. We can’t explain why we didn’t bond, but we didn’t. We hope very much that soon his mother and father find him and give him a wonderful home.

I will not ever forget though, the last time I saw Anton. As we were leaving for lunch, we passed him as he was being taken for his nap. His eyes locked onto mine and I was shocked by what I saw; for at 18 months, somehow he knew our decision. What I saw in his eyes was resignation. A few days before I asked that you pray for us. I ask now that you pray for this beautiful boy and his future parents that they may find each other soon and have a wonderful life together.

After mourning for turning down the referral, we were able to put all the decisions behind us and focus on our joy: Dascha our “gift” and Yascha our little lion heart.

After lunch, we stopped by a toy store an purchased a variety of toys to see which ones Dascha would like (we see Yascha only during those times he is visiting his sister as we are not permitted to see him until our registration is accepted at the MOE).

Well Dascha is definitely her mother’s girl (and Fin’s cousin :P) as her favorite toy were a pair of toy high heel shoes. She spent the entire afternoon walking around in them and was willing to share any toy, but those. In the evening, when it was time for her to leave, she cleaned up and put away all the toys save one: the shoes. She did not want to part with them and pleaded with the caretaker to keep them. None of us could decline such a request.

So now we are here until Tuesday. I don’t know if I will be writing any more blog entries as I finally understand what all of you with children having been telling me when you say it is “hard work” – I didn’t realize it was so physically exhaustive, because oh my goodness, keeping up with these children :) I pretty much get home each evening and pass out from exhaustion.

For both of us, this trip has been the best and most rewarding time of our lives. Thank all of you for your prayers and sharing the experience with us. When we return, we promise, we will post more pictures.

Entry Filed under: Adoption,General Musings

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3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. TheRichisons  |  December 12th, 2006 at 1:03 am

    Sonjaya,
    I’m in love with your babies and I’m very, very impressed with your writing ability.
    And here I took you for a C++ or Java type this whole time (you know, someone with a diary filled exclusively with ones and zeros). But stereotypes be damned, you were emotionally honestly and quite eloquent. Good read.
    I can’t even begin to imagine what you guys are going through right now. I thought I kind of had a clue before. But…I didn’t (you do the stoic, perfunctory thing pretty well too).
    I can’t wait to meet the kids and have them around all the time. But before we go there, I want to talk to you about documenting this whole thing. There are so many aspects of your journey that are undeniably compelling and screaming to be told.
    Its a unique story about love. Its an expedition for love, really. And as such its inevitably going to be riddled with drama, angst, sacrifice, etc. But like most American love stories….I suspect that it will have a storybook ending.
    I got some ideas. Swing over as soon as you can.
    Scott

  • 2. sonjaya  |  December 13th, 2006 at 6:17 pm

    Thanks for the comments :) — as I said in my email, we owe you a dinner anyway — we can get together and chat then.

  • 3. sonjaya  |  September 27th, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    I just thought I provide an update on this blog entry. Anton and his parents did find each other and he is now living happily at home with them.

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